I want to live, Mommy
A letter written in a child's voice.
Dear Mommy,
I am in heaven now. I so wanted to be your little girl. I don't quite understand what has happened. I was so excited when I began to realise I existed. I was in a dark, comfortable place. I saw that I had fingers and toes. I was pretty far along in my growing, and nowhere near ready to leave. I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping. Even from my earliest days, I felt a bond between you and me.
Sometimes I heard you crying, and I cried with you. Sometimes you would yell or scream, and then cry. I heard Daddy yelling back. I was sad, and I hoped you would be better soon. I wondered why you cried so much. One day you cried almost all day. I hurt for you. I could not imagine why you were so unhappy.
That same day, the most horrible thing happened. A very mean monster came into the warm place I was in. I was so scared that I began to scream, but you never once tried to help me. Maybe you never heard me. The monster came closer as I screamed, "Mommy, Mommy, help me please. Mommy, help me." All I felt was terror. I screamed until I thought I could not scream any more. Then the monster started ripping my arms off. It hurt so badly. I cannot explain the pain. It did not stop.
I begged it to stop. I screamed as it ripped my leg off.
I was in complete pain, and I was dying. I knew I would never see your face, or hear you say how much you love me. I wanted to make your tears go away. I had so many plans to make you happy. Now I could not. The dreams were shattered. Under the pain and the horror, what I felt most was my heart breaking. I wanted, more than anything, to be your daughter. It was no use. I was dying a painful death. I could only imagine the terrible things they had done to you. I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I did not know words you could understand.
Soon I had no breath left to say them. I was dead. I felt myself rising. A huge angel carried me into a big, beautiful place. I was still crying, but the pain in my body was gone. The angel took me somewhere wonderful, and then I was happy. I asked what the thing was that had killed me. He answered, "Abortion. I am sorry. I know how it feels." I don't know what abortion is. I guess that is the name of the monster.
I am writing to say that I love you, and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl. I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live. I had the will, but I could not. The monster was too powerful. It took my arms and my legs, and finally all of me. It was impossible to live. I just wanted you to know that I tried to stay with you. I did not want to die.
Mommy, please watch out for that monster. I love you, and I would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did. Please be careful.
Love,
Your baby girl
First written in 2010 on virtual eye.